Penny (entering): Hey, Sheldon, are you and Leonard putting up a Christmas tree? |
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Sheldon: No, because we don’t celebrate the ancient pagan festival of Saturnalia. |
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Penny: Saturnalia? | |
Howard: Gather round, kids, it’s time for Sheldon’s beloved Christmas special. | |
Sheldon: In the pre-Christian era, as the winter solstice approached and the plants died, pagans brought evergreen boughs into their homes as an act of sympathetic magic, intended to guard the life essences of the plants until spring. This custom was later appropriated by Northern Europeans and eventually it becomes the so-called Christmas tree. |
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Howard: And that, Charlie Brown, is what boredom is all about. |
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Penny: Okay, well, thank you for that, but I got you and Leonard a few silly neighbour gifts, so I’ll just put them under my tree. | |
Sheldon: Wait! You bought me a present? | |
Penny: Uh-huh. | |
Sheldon: Why would you do such a thing? | |
Penny: I don’t know. ‘Cause it’s Christmas? | |
Sheldon: Oh, Penny. I know you think you’re being generous, but the foundation of gift-giving is reciprocity. You haven’t given me a gift, you’ve given me an obligation. |
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Howard: Don’t feel bad, Penny, it’s a classic rookie mistake. My first Hanukkah with Sheldon, he yelled at me for eight nights. |
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Penny: Now, honey, it’s okay.You don’t have to get me anything in return. |
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Sheldon: Of course I do. The essence of the custom is that I now have to go out and purchase for you a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as that represented by the gift you’ve given me. It’s no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year. |
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Penny: Okay, you know what? Forget it. I’m not giving you a present. | |
Sheldon: No, it’s too late. I see it. That elf sticker says to Sheldon. The die has been cast, the moving finger has writ, Hannibal has crossed the Alps. |
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Howard (to Raj who is whispering in his ear): I know. It’s funny when it’s not happening to us. | |
Penny: Sheldon, I am very, very sorry. | |
Sheldon: No. No, I brought this on myself by being such an endearing and important part of your life. I’m going to need a ride to the mall. |
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Howard: It’s happening to us. |